


You did the right thing

by bungee_bepbop



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Aromantic, Aromantic Character, Autistic Ushijima Wakatoshi, But don't hug him, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Haikyuu - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Running Away, Suicidal Thoughts, Tendou Satori Needs a Hug, Trans Tendou Satori, Ushijima Wakatoshi - Freeform, aromantic romantic relationship, aromantic spectrum tendou, tendou satori - Freeform, ushiten, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:41:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29599827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bungee_bepbop/pseuds/bungee_bepbop
Summary: Tendou left home when he was 18, unable to live with his family anymore. Four years later, he still feels guilty about leaving and Ushijima is there for him.---Note in advance: Please read the tags, it's very important. This has heavy discussion of mental health and heavy topics.
Relationships: Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Kudos: 33





	You did the right thing

‘Things I don't like about mom:’

‘I’m not sure if mom is drunk or really tired but I don't like how she stumbles around the house like she can't keep balanced.’

_ He’s 7 and crying, wondering why the house is empty. No one’s home, the lights are on and the doors blown open. _

‘I don't like how soft and mushy she gets at night because it makes me uncomfortable when she’s needy and relies on me for physical contact and emotional support.’

_ He’s trapped in the basement, he can’t go upstairs because his parents are fighting.  _

‘I don't like having to wish her good luck to go to bed each night.’

_ He’s 13 and running out of the house for the first time so he doesn’t have to listen to  _ **_him_ ** _ yell.  _

‘I don't like how she hides in my room from my stepfather before I go to bed.’

_ He’s hiding too, he doesn’t want  _ **_him_ ** _ to find him because he’s scared of what will happen.  _

‘I don't like how I have to listen to her suffer in an emotionally abusive relationship.’

_ He’s suffering too, he just can’t tell her because he doesn’t think she can handle it.  _

‘I don't like how she thinks I'm not affected by what she tells me.’

_ Does she not see how much this hurts him?  _

‘I don't like how I'm the one who has to comfort her.’

_ He’s 15 and lying down in his mom's bed,  _ **_he’s_ ** _ not home and his mom is apologizing that he has to deal with her while she tells him what happened this time. _

‘I don't like how I get scared around my stepfather because  **he** obviously hates me.’

_ Just being in a room with  _ **_him_ ** _ feels horrifying, his mother tells him he needs to get over it, but he can’t help but feel scared. _

‘I don't like how I feel responsible for every problem they have.’

_ He’s blamed for why his mother doesn’t love  _ **_him_ ** _ anymore.  _

‘I don't like feeling like things would be better off if I didn't live here.’

_ He tells himself the next time this happens he’ll cut himself.  _

‘I don't like how everything’s awkward with my mom because she’s uncomfortable.’

_ He gets scared he’s losing his mother. When was the last time they joked around? _

‘I don't like how she gets mushy and asks me to hug her and cuddle her because it makes me uncomfortable and I feel scared.’

_ He’s as stiff as a board as his mother hugs him and rubs his back. He knows the hug is for her comfort, but he wants to rip his skin off because he’s so uncomfortable. _

‘I don’t like that she doesn't trust what I say. How she looks at me like I'm lying to her because she makes me feel horrible.’

_ He feels like nothing he says is right.  _

_ He can’t count how many times he’s run out of the house to get away from the fighting.  _

_ He can’t count how many times he’s cried because somehow it’s all his fault.  _

_ He can’t count how many times he’s wished something would change.  _

_ It’s 12 am and everyone’s asleep. He’s crying on the kitchen floor, longing for a type of comfort he won’t get as he wonders why everything is bad because of him.  _

_ If his mother didn’t have him she wouldn’t feel like this. _

_ If he was out of the picture he wouldn’t be blamed for his parent's failed relationship.  _

_ If he was gone he wouldn’t be there to cause any problems.  _

He’s sitting against the bathroom door of his apartment. He’s older now. He’s 22 and hasn’t spoken to his parents in four years. He moved out and didn’t look back. But in reality he did, he looked back and he did a lot. It was nights like this where he wished he could peel back the curtain and see how they were doing. 

_ Were they still together? _

_ Did they split up? _

_ Did they love him? _

_ Were they happier without him? _

Ushijima tries his best to remind him what he did was good. It was for him. As much as he loved his mother and god did he, she wasn’t good for him. She was more of a friend than a parent, and while Tendou used to love that, he wished she hadn’t burdened him with so many of her problems so quickly. 

She was a good mother. She loved him. She fed him and made sure he got a good education, Shiratorizawa being a private school was cheap by no means. But she had her flaws. Flaws that made Tendou cry and wish he could just be normal.

When he was 11 and cried to her that his friend touched him she said she was sorry it happened and let him fall apart alone. 

When he was 13 and suicidal he tried to talk to her about getting help. She asked if it was his period that may have been making him feel ‘a little sad’ and Tendou felt like she plunged a knife in his heart. 

When he was 14 and delusional, seeing things that weren’t there, hearing things that weren’t real, feeling his grasp on reality fall from underneath him, she didn’t even notice. 

When Semi got scared he’d kill himself he had his mother contact Tendou’s, saying they were scared Tendou would do something he didn’t understand and hurt himself. Tendou’s mother said she didn’t see that in him and pushed the topic away. 

When Tendou was 15 and tried to get help for his OCD his mother insisted he didn’t have it and he cried himself to sleep knowing she’d never see what was wrong. 

She accused him of having an eating disorder for losing weight, he did, but he denied it, if he told her that she’d get mad at him. 

She had trapped him in so many ways. 

He was her therapist. 

He was the only one she told her problems to. 

She said he could always talk to her but when he tried she got angry and pushed him away. 

She said she’d support him through everything but so far had let him down and hurt him every time. 

It was hard leaving her. But he knew he’d be miserable if he hadn’t. If he stayed he’d be getting called ‘young lady’, he'd be called a name he hated, he would be his mom's best friend, listening to her problems and watching himself waste away in the process. 

With her he was sick. He was beaten down every day with burdens he couldn’t handle. He was alone and dying. She made him feel guilty for being sick, self-conscious for the way he looked and ashamed for not being the daughter his parents expected him to be. 

Without her he got help. He moved in with the man he loved and who loved him for who he was. He was able to come out and be happy. 

But sometimes he felt guilty. 

_ What if his being gone hadn’t helped? _

_ What if it just got worse? _

_ What if things hadn’t changed? _

_ What if everything was the same and he had just taken away his mother’s only outlet? _

_ What if he took away the only thing that held them together? _

Ushijima sat next to him. Recognizing the slightly vacant look in his boyfriend's eyes that meant he was lost in his mind. He was familiar with Tendou’s thoughts. He’d stuck with Tendou through everything. 

He had been patient with him. He let Tendou open up on his own time. Never once did he treat Tendou like there was something wrong with him. When Tendou told him about his mental health, his OCD, his anxiety, the psychosis, the delusions, the eating disorders and everything in between he reacted with nothing but support. He’d never treated Tendou differently. He didn’t look grossed out. He wasn’t scared or put-off. He was the silent comfort Tendou never knew he could have but needed so much. 

“You did the right thing, you know,” Ushijima spoke from beside him, leaning against the closed bathroom door, his voice steady and firm. Tendou nodded in acknowledgement. He did the right thing. He knew he did. But sometimes he didn’t. 

“I know…”

“You did what was good for you, what you needed to.”

“I know…” Tendou mumbled, his vacant eyes glazed to the floor. He was tired. It had been a hard few days, “I just wonder what would have happened if I had stayed…”

Ushijima stayed silent this time. He never knew exactly what to do in these situations. Social situations weren’t his forte, especially ones that required social cues or comforting. He often came across as too literal or cold, however, Tendou needed that. Not emotionlessness or coldness, but he needed something constant. Something constant and stable to rely on. 

They worked well together. 

They were patient with each other. 

They talked about what worked and what didn’t. 

They understood a lot about each other that others didn’t. 

Ushijima didn’t like to be touched and neither did Tendou. 

Tendou didn’t like mushy and touchy-feely people and Ushijma had never been that. 

Tendou sighed. Leaning his head back against the bathroom door. He let his eyes flutter shut and wished he didn’t have to feel like this. 

“I did the right thing… right?” Even though he knew he did, even though he knew Ushijima’s answer already, he needed to hear it. He needed to hear it because if left to his own devices he’d drive himself off the edge with guilt over leaving a life he dreaded. 

Ushijima didn’t touch him. He didn’t lean into him for emphasis. He didn’t grab his hand to provide comfort. Touch like that would only make things worse for the both of them. With a simple answer, he provided Tendou more comfort than anyone ever could. A simple reassurance that kept him going. Kept him sane. Let him know he was okay. Let him know he wasn’t a bad person for leaving. Let him know things were okay without him even if they both had no way of knowing. 

“You did the right thing.” 

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't posted in a while, I hope this isn't too bad. 
> 
> This is mostly a vent fic from my experiences, so please be kind about what you say. 
> 
> \---  
> Notes on this fic: (Not important)  
> \- Tendou is on the aromantic spectrum, he doesn't like to be touched or romantic touching (hand-holding, hugging, kissing, but is still in a semi-romantic/relationship with Wakatoshi)  
> \- Tendou's a trans guy, it isn't very important to the story but in case you were confused there  
> \---
> 
> Thank you for reading if you did, I know this is kind of out there but I needed an outlet. 
> 
> However, if you happen to like my writing (I have better work than this, I'm a little out of practice) I'm always open to requests/suggestions :)


End file.
